August Fourth, One AM.

I should be sleeping already. I was awake from 12 PM of Thursday until 5 AM of Saturday, save perhaps two hours of sleep - thirty minutes of which was going to the office and one and a half at the office itself while my team mates beat the crap out of each other in Super Smash Brothers Brawl.

At the course of the past two weeks, I have been busier than any moment during my employment. Project is cutting over and there are some issues I have to solve or at least show the customer that the fault is not within the logic of the program we are deploying. Coordination and communication - vital weapons in any armory of a software developer/designer/engineer.

Once, a friend asked me to solve a puzzle. I said no and that the idea of me solving a puzzle is daunting since I don't usually use logic to amuse myself. And then she retorted back, that it was all ironic - me being in a field where logic is constantly used.

Was it logic that finally won the war against creativity?

I still get to exercise mine but in a limited fashion. A small video then and there but alas, no sketches or drawing whatsoever. I glanced at my gallery in dA and the last time I submitted a visual artwork was January 3, 2008 - and it was nothing but a sketch behind a notebook.

And then I suddenly realize that here I am again, ranting about something that could only be solved by myself and not others. Perhaps, I just want to write something even if it has been touched by my other entries a gazillion times before.

I said to myself that I'll have myself draw more often - practice more until I hone my skills and develop a style that is certainly attributable to me and me only. But alas, weekends are reserved for much needed sleep and sometimes, a very urgent change in development for my current project, or study the programming language that I need to study.

And the more I think about it, the more I realize that I become the whore a professor once told me in class. We are nothing but whores, we scent ourselves with experience and dress ourselves in titles and certifications and then sell ourselves to the highest bidders - all for the price of money. We never mind our passions and dreams, our talents go to waste and nothing more remains but the ashes of possibilities.

Or perhaps, I am just too bored in life that I resort to work. And there are some shit in my life I am still hesitant to clean up.

Our domesticated dog is already howling. Perhaps I need to get some rest since it's already a Monday. Back to work, back to reality, back to peace.

Until the next post.